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Carried to My Burning Place by qannekke Carried to My Burning Place by qannekke
You said,
wait,
wait,
one day I'll be there.
To open my eyes to the light of your holding place;
how can I sustain this never ending existing pace?


[xxx]

.

A chant of nononononononotagainpleasenotagainnotthisnopleasenotherenotthis. Not this, not again. No, no please. No feelings, just a crushing weight and not understanding why and not being able to escape. Trying hard, and yet failing and falling harder every time, and having the feeling of getting up only to have the rug pulled out from under your feet again.

.

Entry for HoTS Weekly Show!

Horse: Windgate's Otachi 5463
Breed: Pure Nordanner
Age: 4 Years
Class: Liberty
Handler: Benjamin Wakefield
Stable: #Windgate-Stables, Scotland

.

It's been a bad week. I feel like crying all the time now. I want more than anything to do well, but it feels like I just fail at everything I try at and I've started to not even care anymore. I'm scared and anxious and depressed and it feels like there's a bowling ball in my stomach that keeps me from being happy. I feel like I'm unfeeling, I can't understand emotion anymore. I offend people without meaning to because I don't know what to say or how to speak and everyone knows when I smile I don't mean it. I don't want to be like this again, and I know it can't get any worse than it was last year, I don't want to go back to that, not ever, but I can't help it. I'm scared.

I know this is barely a show entry, but I wanted to do an entry for Otachi this week, and I just couldn't make anything happy or show-y. Sorry, no story this week. Thinking of doing something next week. I've always wanted to use 'The Tempest', so maybe next time.

.

Background: colourize-stock.deviantart.com…
Watercolor Texture: valerianastock.deviantart.com/…
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:iconhot-stables:
HoT-Stables Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015
Placed 8th
(Results: Week 4)
Reply
:iconantheacornalynn:
Antheacornalynn Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is so amazing in combination with the music, it amplifies eachother very well! :love:
Also, I love the flowers and adornments, the pose and the lighting! And the tail and the background..
Well actually it's just very good overall! :p
And the poem thingy suits it nicely too, though I hope you're feeling better nowadays :)
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Wow, thank you so much! ^U^;;

Days are on and off right now - sometimes there are good days, sometimes there are bad days. But I have always liked the quote "Bad times are just times that are bad." - kind of reminds me that every day will not be awful forever :)
Reply
:iconantheacornalynn:
Antheacornalynn Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're welcome :)
Yes that's a simple but very good quote.
I don't know your exact situation, but when I was feeling very depressed and tired I even began to like feeling that way,
perhaps that was a way of accepting it and slowly letting it go. And I guess the worse you feel, the better the good times may feel thereafter.
You just have to go through it and make art to get your feelings out :wink: rvmp 
Reply
:iconpoisons-kiss:
Poisons-Kiss Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
 I featured you here fav.me/d6t45j8

:heart:
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
omfg thank you so much ; U ;<3333
Reply
:iconpoisons-kiss:
Poisons-Kiss Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
you're SO welcome <3
Reply
:iconaugust-bones:
August-Bones Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Oh my god this is beautiful. The coloring contrast with the light and dark is great. So lovely <3 
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much :love:
Reply
:iconjuliaelven:
JuliaElven Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013
Amazing... I love this. :)
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much ^U^;;
Reply
:iconjuliaelven:
JuliaElven Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconfillyfalls:
Fillyfalls Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ahhh this is so beautiful !

I'm so sorry you're having a bad week ; n ;

I hope you feel better soon ! ♥
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much ; u ; :hug:
Reply
:iconartistic-pineapple:
Artistic-Pineapple Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
It's shame you're not feeling well.
I'd give you a hug if I could. So have a digital one :huggle:
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Hhhh it's just me being dumb and stupid emotional stuff uvu;; Gah anxiety ; A ;
Thank you ; U ; //hugs
Reply
:iconartistic-pineapple:
Artistic-Pineapple Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
We all go through patches like that.
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Yeah, last year was really bad for me and I've been trying really hard not to get like that again uvu;; I don't think I will (I was almost suicidal at some points last year, and I do NOT want to be in that place again - and I couldn't talk to anyone about anything because of my anxiety keeping me from talking at all, so it was really hard to get out of that without help), but I can't help being scared of the fear itself ; A ; guh dumb anxiety dumb depression I can't wait until I can get out of this town, I've been bad ever since we moved here uvu;;
Reply
:iconartistic-pineapple:
Artistic-Pineapple Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013
I suffered from something that seems like what you described, coincidentally. I know the fear you face.
Thank you for opening up to me like this. It's really good to know that you consider us friends to this extent. If you ever need to talk, I am right here.
Please don't feel uncomfortable dropping me a note sometime. <3
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Ye, it's tough ;v; But it gets better sometimes QUQ;;
Thank you ; U ; :hug:
Reply
:iconxcyanide-skies:
xcyanide-skies Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is probably my favorite piece you've ever done, it's sooooo beautiful <3
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much ; U ;<33
Reply
:iconnight-anders:
Night-Anders Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student General Artist
So gorgeous, I adore that glow :3.
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you very much ^U^;;
Reply
:iconcloudrunner64:
Cloudrunner64 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Bowling balls are for throwing, silly, not for swallowing! :tighthug: I hope you feel better soon.

Also this is very pretty.
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Ye, all I can hope is that it gets out of there soon :hug: Thank you so much :heart:

Thank you ; U ;
Reply
:iconemeraldthewolf:
EmeraldTheWolf Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
love love love love LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
thank youuuuu ; U ;
Reply
:iconnight-angel-stable:
Night-angel-stable Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is so gorgeous :hug:
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much ; u ;
Reply
:iconennelya:
ennelya Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
HOLY FRICK THIS IS AMAZING :omg:

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad week
Sad Hug - Updated
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you ^U^;;

Yeah haha its just a bad time and I'm sure it'll get better but I'm just being dumb I'm sure ; A ; Hhhhh dumb emotional stuff and anxiety eve;;
Reply
:iconennelya:
ennelya Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sure it will too :hug:
Reply
:iconqannekke:
qannekke Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2013  Student Digital Artist
; U ; :hug: 
Reply
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